I’ve been in my feelings these last few days about Mother’s Day. I had a nice quiet day after going to church that morning preceded by dinner the night before at Truffle. Don’t get me wrong. Being a mother is rewarding, but it’s also hard. Extremely.
The youngest one made us late for the service we originally wanted to attend close to home. So instead of being late and not being able to find a seat, hubby had a great idea and suggested that we attend our home church in Queens. That was the best idea ever. I couldn’t see through my growing anger at the youngest for being slow that morning, but that suggestion made things much better for me.
The service was absolutely amazing. Our speaker for the day was a mom who I understand lives in Valley Stream. I had no idea! But am I forever thankful for her words. She reminded us how our children are sometimes ready to leave us before we are ready for them to leave. Little by little her oldest, heading off to college in the fall, had been showing signs of maturity and independence for some time and that she had to get ready. There was no stopping it.
When Jesus hung on the cross as he was being crucified, all Mary could do was stand and allow Jesus to carry out his purpose for being born. It’s not up to us as parents to make them be what WE want them to be. We are all placed on this ear to fulfill our purpose and this includes our children.
What. A. Word.
As parents, from day one we are training our kids to leave us. We teach them how to hold spoons and forks, how to how to walk, talk, dress themselves, clean up, read, write, etc.
It’s our fault that they become so independent of us and when they are ready to go out and adult, we have the nerve to not be ready.
What’s that about?
Yaw’ll I’m not ready. I have six years before my oldest is released out into the world as an adult and that time is going to fly by.
I was standing next to my son as the sermon ramped up and all I could think about was the life my son would have to endure as a black young man. It’s scary out there. I’ve written about it before and even though time has flown by since I wrote about it, it is still in my heart that I am afraid for him. I’m beginning to fear for my daughter as well. I’m afraid for myself at times because the media is showing that non people of color are frightened at our existence in places they feel we don’t belong.
This is not the world I want my children and grandchildren to have to live and worry about. All I could do was cry. My heart hurt so bad for them. It’s just not fair that we as mothers do all we can to prepare our children to live a wonderful, law abiding life, only to be seen as suspicious in a park, dorm building, college campus, coffee shop, or public park because of our skin color.
I’m so thankful that we are raising our kids in a diverse community, but if I’m being honest they have to go out into a world that sees color. Unfortunately there aren’t any colleges or universities in our community so we definitely have to let them go to experience the good, bad, and the ugly.
I just thank God that I’ll be prayed up enough for both of them and myself to remain strong in this thing called motherhood.